Saturday, October 29, 2011

BATTLEFIELD 3

BELOW IS A CONVERSATION CLAYTON HAD WITH A MINION!


Harrison: beat Battlefield 3
it's probably every bit the game you expect
Sent at 8:56 PM on Saturday
me: so its disappointing :P
Sent at 8:58 PM on Saturday
Harrison's new status message - It's snowing during Halloween. MIND-BLOWN. 9:19 PM
Harrison: weirdness
anyways, the American portions are disappointing
Russian parts though.....wonderful
me: yay it works now :P
Harrison: lol
me: maybe the sections were done by different studios ?
like they pulled an l.a. noir?
Harrison: I don't know. The Russian and USA parts almost feel like different games
me: they certainly seemed to ******* up enough with it already
Harrison: :P
Yeah
The MP still refuses to work for me
must be the video settings
me: wanna be on the podcast next week to talk about it?
Harrison: What time would said podcast be?
me: saturday 4:30 ish im thinking
Harrison: PM? Not sure. I might just share a googledoc with my feedback for you
feedback.comments
feedback/comments*
me: hmm
well we'll figure something out
I could possibly do it friday as well
depends on what the others are doing I guess
Harrison: Yep
Have you tried it yet?
I'd imagine not
me: bf3?
no
not gonna
Harrison: I figured as much
me: my faith was destroyed by their immaturity and idiocy
Harrison: EA did have some....slip-ups
And my god is Origin's implementation inefficient
me: far too ****** many
Harrison: I think Battlelog is okay, if completely unnecessary
However, needing Origin to run it as well just sucks up memory
me: its all garbage
Harrison: Yep
But darnit if the game isn't pretty
me: look at it this way,
a marriage to a ridiulously attractive women, with nothing else going for it..... will likely end in 6 months.
same for bf3
Harrison: Well, if it were only SP, the marriage would be over in 3 days
me: lol
Harrison: Thankfully, the MP is decent enough to last 1 week ;D
me: you know what?
i'm going to copy this conversation and throw it in the hulk blog.
should suffice for a review
Harrison: Go ahead

Friday, October 28, 2011

THE HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST! FINE SWEDISH WATER EDITION!

SAKIMOTO, RECON, FUSSPAWN, AND MANY OTHERS DECIDE TO POP IN FOR THE PODCAST!

THIS WEEK'S DISCUSSION POINTS!

NINTENDO LOST A BILLION DOLLARS!
WHATS WRONG WITH YOU? PART 2!
SAKIMOTO LOSING IT!
SAKIMOTO BRINGING BACK THE SEXY!
SAKIMOTO CRYING!
CLAYTON CRYING!
A NEW HULK MINION!
A NEW HULK MINION CRYING!
EA LOOSES A LOT OF MONEY!
VALVE MAKES A LOT OF MONEY!

AND A GREAT DEAL OF OTHER THINGS THAT MAKE HULK'S HEAD SHAKE IN SHAME DURING EDITING!




THIS WEEK'S MUSIC IS FROM BLUE EXORCIST AND KINGDOMHEARTS!
HULK HOPES YOU HAVE A SPOOKTACULAR HOLIDAY! <3

SIDE NOTES:

HULK LIKES SEEING ENTIRE PLANET GLOWING GREEN IN THE ANALYTICS! RETWEET THE PODCAST!

WHOEVER CAUSED THE INSANE INCREASE IN VIEWS LAST WEEK IS FOREVER IN HULK'S GOOD BOOKS!

RECON FOUND SOMETHING FUNNY!
SAKIMOTO'S SOUNDCLOUD AND WEBSITE!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A STEP TOO FAR!

A STEP TOO FAR!

( A RANT FROM THE DESK OF HULKGAMECRIT)

CLAYTON ORIGINALLY WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE THIS ONE.... BUT HULK DECIDED THAT RAGE SHOULD BE SAVED FOR THE PODCAST!

ACTIVISION ANNOUNCED A NEW PROMOTION TOOL FOR MODERN WARFARE3!

WHILE HULK NORMALLY THINKS PRODUCT PROMOTION IN AND OUT OF GAME MAY BE A GREAT WAY TO HELP BIG BUDGET GAME PROJECTS REACH LOW BUDGET PRICES.... TO ACTUALLY RISK THE HEALTH OF YOUR GAMING AUDIENCE IS ABSOLUTELY ********* INSANE!

WHAT'S MORE HULK IS NOT TALKING ABOUT SOME POOR INDIE DEV THAT'S TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET!

HULK IS TALKING ABOUT ACTIVISION!

ONE OF THE LARGEST COMPANIES IN THE GAME INDUSTRY!

THE MESSAGE THEIR SAYING IS EVEN MORE DANGEROUS!

KEEP DRINKING PEPSI IN ORDER TO GET BETTER AT A VIDEOGAME!

WE WANT OUR GAMERS TO BE SITTING FOR ENDLESS HOURS STRAIGHT! BUYING OUR SH*T WHILE DRINKING EVEN MORE SH*T, AND THEN SPEND HALF YOUR NIGHT ON THE TOILET DUE TO SAID SH*T!

HULK WOULD LOVE TO MEET THE CORPORATE MORON THAT CAME UP WITH THIS MARKETTING STRATEGY!

HULK IS SURE ACTIVISION WANTS TO KEEP US ALL AS FAT AND STUPID AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE !

IT MIGHT STOP GAMERS FROM NOTICING HOW THEY KEEP DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

BUT TO ACTUALLY COME UP WITH A CAMPAIGN RUNNING SOLELY ON THOSE VALUES !

USING GAMIFICATION TECHNIQUES TO MAKE A HIGHLY ADDICTIVE SUBSTANCE IS EVEN MORE ADDICTIVE!

AND TO MAKE IT SOO F******* BLATANTLY OBVIOUS THAT A TWITTER HULK WAS ABLE TO MAKE AN ARTICLE OUT OF IT..... IS AN IDIOCY HULK HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

HULK KEEPS BEING TOLD TO STOP BURNING DOWN ALL THE BRIDGES IN THE GAME INDUSTRY!

BUT SOME BRIDGES NEED TO BE BURNED!

ACTIVISION WANTS ALL FANBOYS ( INCLUDING SOME HULK FOLLOWERS) TO DIE!

AND BEFORE FANBOYS DIE THEY WILL NEED EXPENSIVE SURGERY AND LIMB REMOVAL!

THEN OFCOURSE ACTIVISION WILL MAKE A CONTROLLER THAT USES BRAIN WAVES!

SO WE CAN ALL PLAY GAMES ON OUR DEATHBEDS!

AND ON THOSE DEATHBEDS WE'LL STILL SUCK AT GAMES BECAUSE CHEATING OUR WAY THROUGH LIFE WITH DOUBLE XP WONT WORK WHEN WE HAVE TO RELY ON BRAIN POWER AND PERSONAL WILL!

IN SHORT... WE SHOULD ALL GO ON A DIET! AND MAYBE CHECK OUT THE SUBWAY PROMOTION IN LIMITED QUANITIES!

AT LEAST WITH THAT SYSTEM THE GAME WILL STILL BE BALANCED ENOUGH AT LAUNCH AND GUARANTEE A WONDERFUL HIGH FLYING CINEMATIC ADVENTURE FEATURING MANY MANY SCARY MONSTERS / TRIBAL MEN TOWARD THE VERY END THAT CAN BE ONLY KILLED BY A GOLDEN CROSSBOW! UNLESS OF COURSE JAMES BOND GOT IN THE WAY.... SO THEY'RE NOW SILVER!....WHATEVER.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A BETTER FORTUNE COOKIE


HULK WAS CHILLING WITH SOME CHINESE FOOD AFTER WATCHING AN EXTRA CREDITZ VIDEO WHEN HULK WAS GIVEN A FORTUNE COOKIE!

HERE'S THE FORTUNE INSIDE!








HULK CAN ASSUREDLY SAY HULK IS DOING WELL WITH HIS BUSINESS OF SMASHING! BUT THIS DOES NOT COUNT AS A FORTUNE!


HAVE THE FORTUNE COOKIE INDUSTRIES(?) GIVEN UP ON AN AGE OLD TRADITION? OR PERHAPS JUST LIKE THE GAME INDUSTRY DO THEY NO LONGER FEEL AS IF THEY NEED TO ACTUALLY TRY IN ORDER TO RECEIVE THE SAME RESULTS?

HULK FINDS THIS DISTURBING! WHILE HULK NORMALLY ONLY GOES FOR TASTY TSAO'S CHICKEN HULK EXPECTS SOME KIND OF NOVELTY WITH HIS TAKE OUT EXPERIENCE!

MUCH LIKE JP HAS somewhat IMPLIED IN THE PAST, LAZY DESIGN ( NOT JUST FOR THE GAME INDUSTRY) CAN BREAK THE EXPERIENCE JUST AS MUCH AS EXTREME DESIGN CAN!

HULK CALLS FOR AN AGE OF BALANCE! HULK WANTS TO SEE GAME DEVS SPENDING ENOUGH ATTENTION ON THEIR CRAFT TO MAKE THE GAMING AUDIENCE HAPPY

( HULK ADVISES AIMING A LITTLE PAST THAT.... SO HULK IS ALSO SATISFIED)

WHILE AT THE SAME TIME NOT OVER DOING THINGS AND MAKING US ALL WAIT FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE YEARS OR EVEN DECADES!



THE HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST : PART 23

THIS WEEK HULK CHATS WITH STEPHEN FOGG ABOUT A FLIPPING GOOD TIME!
DOWNLOAD IT HERE

ANDRE , RECON , AND OTHER NICHOLAS ALSO DECIDE TO POP IN AND WRECK THE PLACE!


DISCUSSION POINTS:

ANGRY BIRDS!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!
ARKHAM CITY!
RAGE!
MORE MOVIE DEALS!
MORE LAY OFFS!
DIGI PEN IS BETTER THEN US!
MICROSOFT 1080!
UNCHARTED 3!
SEXY BACK!
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!
SOME REALLY CREEPY STUFF HULK SHOULD HAVE EDITED OUT!
AND A COMPLETE BREAK DOWN OF MODERN SOCIETY THANKS TO CALENDER MAN!



THIS WEEKS MUSIC IS FROM FINAL FANTASY 10 AND ARKHAM CITY!
HULK TRIED TO BE TIME RELATED DUE TO ALL THE CALENDAR PUNS!


Friday, October 14, 2011

THE HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST : PART 22

THIS WEEK CLAYTON CHATS WITH THE TIN MAN AND HOW HE'S DIGITALLY REVITALIZED A STRANGE GENRE! <3

ALSO STARS NICHOLAS AND WILLIAM ( SUCH A TROLL)!

THINGS DISCUSSED THIS WEEK!

FARM-VILLE THE MOVIE : A PIXAR PRODUCTION
THE " HULK" BLADE
MORE BUSINESS TALK!
GRASSHOPPER WANTS TO BE A GRASS HOPPER!
THE VITA IS DYING!
GOODBYE QUICKSTER!
APPLE!
IPADS!
NARRATIVES!
ILLNESS!
WEIRD SOUNDS!
AND LOTS MORE!




THIS WEEKS MUSIC IS FROM VGO AND BASTION!
WHILE VGO IS STILL NOT SITE READY! BASTION SURE AS HELL IS!

Friday, October 7, 2011

THE HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST! PART 21

THIS WEEK CLAYTON CHATS WITH FOLLOWER PAUL THORNTON, AND HANDELABRA STUDIO ABOUT UNCLE SLAM!

DISCUSSION POINTS!

RAGE!

RAGE SUCKS!

PROPER STORYLINE!

GAME PROMOTIONS!

GAME PRICES!

MARKETING!

PS3 SUCKS!

PSN SUCKS!

STEVE JOBS DIED!

DOUBLE FINE CHEERED SOMEONE UP!

AND MANY MANY OTHER STORIES FROM THE GAME INDUSTRY!

HULK ENJOYED THE CONVERSATION!



THIS WEEK'S MUSIC IS FROM FALLOUT3 AND VALKYRIA! GO BUY IT ALREADY!