Tuesday, October 2, 2012

HULK REVIEWS BORDERLANDS 2




BORDERLANDS 2 IS EVERYTHING THAT WAS GREAT ABOUT THE FIRST ONE, 
NOW WRAPPED IN A COATING OF WEIRD... 

 MORE CONVERSATIONS AND MORE HILARIOUS CHARACTERS ARE THE KIND OF
THINGS THAT MAKE HULK GIGGLE WITH JOY! 

WHAT DIDNT MAKE HULK GIGGLE IS HOW MUCH THEY GOT OBSESSED WITH NUMBERS, MIMICRY OF WHAT OTHERS GAMES HAVE DONE, 
AND HANDSOME JACK... 

A-L-O-T OF WHAT HAPPENS IN ASSASSINS CREED FRANCHISE NOW HAPPENS IN BORDERLANDS.. FOR EVERY MOMENT OF "BAD ASS" THERE'S ALSO DISAPOINTMENT

 JUST BECAUSE A GAME COMPANY DID THIS ONE THING AND MADE A LOT OF MONEY DOES NOT MEAN GEARBOX SHOULD HAVE JUST FUCKING COPIED THEM.... 

HULK HEAR GEARBOX WRITERS TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY DUG DEEP AND ALL THAT OTHER WHAT NOT... IN TRUTH THEY JUST PLAYED GAMES KNEW WHAT WORKED IN THOSE GAMES, AND MADE SURE BORDERLANDS 2 DID WHAT THEY DID..

RIGHT AROUND THE TIME TINY TINA GETS HER STORY TOLD, HULK WENT FROM BEING IMPRESSED TO STRAIGHT UP ANNOYED!

HULK WENT FROM REALLY HATING A CHARACTER, TO REALLY REALLY HATING A CHARACTER, TO "ALRIGHT WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT PERSON KILLED..". 

THEN ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER HULK WAS VIOLENTLY MURDERED IN A NON COMBAT AREA BY AN INVISIBLE TRAIN... 

AND THE TRAIN TRACKS MUST HAVE ALSO BEEN INVISIBLE...

THE SOUND OF THAT INVISIBLE TRAIN CRUSHING HULK BONES WITH A LONG WHISTLE SHALL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN 

IN TRUTH BORDERLANDS WAS AN INTERESTING IDEA, BORDERLANDS 2 IS A HEAP OF POLISH WITH LACK OF REAL TRUE ORIGINALITY.... 

MOST OF WHATS NEW IS NOT WORKING CORRECTLY, AND HULK IS STILL DISAPPOINTED IN THE NINJA / ASSASSIN CLASS... 

HULK DOESNT CARE IF IT IS AN RPG / FPS! A NINJA / ASSASSIN NEEDS TO BE COMMANDING STEALTH AND SWORD TECHNIQUES! 

 THEY EVEN GO THE DISTANCE AND MAKE THE ROBOT CRIPPLE-ABLE! WHY CANT HULK SLASH ENEMIES OR GUNS IN HALF LIKE A BADASS? 

WHY CANT HULK CAUSE HUGE EXPLOSIONS WITH SOME RIDICULOUS SWORD TECHNIQUE? SILENTLY KILL ENEMIES? USE SHURIKEN? USE MORE POISON? 

IF HULK'S ONLY "TRAP CARD" IS A CLOAKING ABILITY, THEN HULK IS REALLY GOING TO FEEL AWKWARD AT TINY TINA'S DINNER PARTY'S! 

DEAR HULK GODS, THEY MADE A FUCKING YUGIOH REFERENCE BUT THEY DECIDED NOT TO USE ANY JAPANESE LORE? THIS IS JUST SO WRONG.... 

 SOOO MANY SWORDS COULD HAVE BEEN PLACED IN THIS GAME.... 

 HULK GIVES BORDERLANDS 2: 3 OUT OF 5 FISTS...