MAKING THE CALL

HULK OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS HAS RECEIVED SOME RATHER.....ADORABLE PHONE CALLS FROM HR REPRESENTATIVES THAT FELT LIKE THEY NEEDED TO CONTACT HULK ABOUT POSSIBLE EMPLOYMENT.


THESE ARE GAME INDUSTRY JOBS,  (USUALLY ENTRY LEVEL JOBS) IN  DESIGN, USABILITY, AND SOMETHING TO DO WITH SOCIAL MEDIA.

BELOW ARE THE AVERAGE  REQUIREMENTS.

• 5+YEARS C++

• 10+ YEARS C#

• 5 YEARS HTML5 "TECHNOLOGIES"

• 1- 3 SHIPPED "AAA" TITLES

• MUST HAVE RELEASED ONE GAME ON EVERY SINGLE CURRENT GENERATION CONSOLE INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO SMART PHONES

• MUST HAVE CERTIFICATIONS WITH MICROSOFT ( NEVER SAYS WHICH ONES)

• MUST HAVE B.S. IN GAME RELATED FIELD BUT MASTERS AND OR PHD IS STRONGLY REQUIRED ( THEY DON'T EXIST YET)

• MUST HAVE PRESENCE IN GAME INDUSTRY FOR AT LEAST 5 + YEARS AND HAVE REFERENCES FROM EVERY STUDIO YOU HAVE PREVIOUSLY WORKED FOR.

AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, WHEN THEY CALL, IT IS USUALLY SOMEONE IN INDIA WHO IS BEING PAID PER CALL. HE SPEAKS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT SO HE CAN EARN JUST A LITTLE MORE PAY FOR HIS STARVING FAMILY AT HOME.

THIS MAN IS PAID TO BLAZE THROUGH A THOUSAND RESUMES IN A DAY WITHOUT EVER KNOWING WHAT EXACTLY IT IS THAT HE IS READING OR SAYING AND AS HULK WRITES THIS, ANOTHER "ENTRY LEVEL GAMEJOB" IS MAKING HULK'S PHONE VIBRATE.


EXCUSE HULK WHILE HE MAKES THE CALL


( ADDITIONAL NOTES: SOMETIMES HULK GET LUCKY AND HEARS DIRECTLY FROM A STUDIO, LESS PAINFUL BUT USUALLY STILL NOT HIRED BECAUSE THEY ARE LOOKING FOR SENIOR LEVEL STAFF......FOR THEIR ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.... OF HUNTING FOR BUGS) 

HULK DOES NOT UNDERSTAND

HULK HAS NOW PLAYED DEPONIA FOR ALL ITS WORTH, AND HULK IS VERY VERY PLEASED. THE DEVELOPERS CREATED A PIECE OF CONTENT THAT IS HILARIOUS, WHIMSICAL, AND IS FULL TO THE BRIM WITH SILLY SILLY SONGS THAT ONLY SERVE TO ENHANCE THE THRILL OF THE ADVENTURE!

IT REMINDS HULK OF SIMPLER TIMES WHEN EVERY PS1 GAME WAS AN ORIGINAL PIECE OF CONTENT, ALL TREATED AND TAILORED WELL THROUGH ALL OF ITS RELEASES ( USUALLY), AND DID NOTHING BUT MAKE THE SONY BRAND MEMORABLE TO LOTS OF PEOPLE!

IF IT WASNT FOR THOSE WONDERFUL GAMES, SONY WOULD NOT BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW. WHY DOES IT TAKE SOME INDIE TEAM TO MAKE A STRONG PRESENTATION? THESE PUBLISHERS HAVE ALL BEEN IN THIS GAME FOR YEARS, THEY KNOW HOW GAMES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MADE, AND YET DEPONIA WITH ALL ITS FLAWS STILL MANAGED TO MAKE A MORE SOLID OVERALL PRESENTATION WITH THEIR SMALL TEAM FULL OF STARRY EYED ( GRANTED VERY TALENTED) GAME DESIGNERS.


THIS IS WHAT REALLY BOTHERS HULK, IF A GAME DOESNT REALLY CLICK WELL, THEN JUST THROW IT OUT THE DOOR IS THE STANDARD PUBLISHER MODEL, JUST TRY TO RECOUP LOSSES WHERE WE CAN.

DEPONIA'S PROCESS WAS NEVER THAT WAY, THEY REINED THINGS IN, MADE A STELLAR DESIGN, CONSISTENT SCRIPT, EXECUTED, AND DIDN'T STOP UNTIL EVERYTHING LOOKED SEXY.

ITS ONE OF THE BEST GAMES HULK HAS PLAYED ALL YEAR AND HULK DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY HULK ISN'T SEEING MORE OF THEM

PETTY VIDEOGAMES

Earlier today I received an interesting "comment" from Jonathon Holmes ( I like the guy, so this isn't a smashing)  and I think it's time yet again to explain what exactly I do online.

A few years ago the games industry was a rather lovely place. People would train, get their degrees, spend endless hours at a game studio learning all kinds of things that the traditional college environment can't teach while also deciding where exactly each grad would like to do after they finally clear up all the bugs in the latest game SquareUbiVision is deciding to limp to the barn with. However, what SquareUbiVision didn't realize is that their own rather bland ideas on "AAA" games were only going to produce great sales as long people were still buying games at a growing rate. The recession happened, Greece blew up, and the world at large began to panic about money. People began buying less while the game industry at large felt they were recession proof, slowly but surely they were proven wrong.

Right around that time their existed a very young wide eyed college senior that had just been laid off from Lockheed Martin. The college grad had spent a great deal of time working on Usability and Game Design for Lockheed in the hopes of making them a better running system. The Maryland area from which this grad had gone to school was facing the realization that every game except Skyrim was about to fail due to creating piss poor games and NO ONE in the area would even speak to college grads. A great many students and teachers had theories as to why this was a case. Some believed the close by military industry had somehow made developers antisocial to anyone that wasn't their own kind, others believed ( foolishly) the game developers were ignoring people in the hopes they would somehow grow as an individual, while the young grad saw the issues in a different light. He had tried contacting Joystiq, Gamasutra, Destructoid and a great deal of other sites along with about 70% of the game industry in the past with almost no responses. The Grad was asking things like " how did you guys start out? are you hiring? What are the entry level requirements? And do you guys ever meet up anywhere like at conventions and what not?" the only group to ever respond was Valve. " Hi Clay, I know it's hard out in the industry right now ( believe me I know) but it looks like you're on the other side of the U.S. ( bummer we can't meet up) I would advise to keep working on stuff and better yet try to find your own unique thing to help push you away from the other grads that WILL apply". A few weeks go by after this one fleeting email and I have to admit I was getting frustrated. 6 months until graduation, the development scene and IGDA for the area were all but destroyed ( I hear its coming back now somehow, unconfirmed), and utter silence was filling all attempts to garner any attention with outside studios. Twitter didn't work, Facebook didn't work, I hadn't proper work in months so going to conventions was highly unlikely all the while the devs are most certainly out talking to people and apparently helping their friends score their first jobs in the game industry if they had the right "credentials".

At around this time a teacher had told me about the Hulk accounts. How individuals from various industries had found a voice after the industries themselves for whatever reason had decided to shun them. I personally hated using the idea of an internet gag to prove my own professional worth, but film critic hulk was saying odd things at the time ( and even more odder things about the game industry later on) and actually had found some god damn results with it. Right around my birthday "@HULKGAMECRIT" was born and earnestly began smashing all the issues I mentioned earlier. Within the first god damn week I had Jane Mcgonigal, Ian Bogost, James ( give hulk a pax media pass) God damn Portnow,  and half of Double Fine answering some questions. Within 2 weeks I had reached 200 followers due to Cntrl Alt Delete and his wonderful website, and within a month I had found others that shared similar issues and wanted to work on some content. We planned , We schemed, We made terrible terrible jokes about dragon clowns / Persona characters, and we began writing articles and recording podcasts. People started to listen, some students received some much needed help( one was picked up by Bethesda), Gameranx and  VGrevolution were turning some of our "profane" ramblings into posts and *poof* we somehow had finally managed to find an audience. Soon however I realized that the issues that started the account were only about to get worse.

The average entry level game industry job requires at least one "AAA" title released, and interns are forced in almost all studios to work without pay with absolutely no guarantee of being hired after the fact. A far difference in ethics and behavior from a few short years ago. So every student and grad is now trapped in an inescapable hell hole that really is too high to escape. They have 6 months before they need to start paying loans, more than 50% of all college grads cannot find work, and the average salary needed to live in a city with a game studio without assistance is about 28,000$. You can't just work at Starbucks or McDonald's at 10$ an hour to make that kind of money while also working 40+ hours a week for a studio, and those industries rely on strong sales to keep the hours nice and healthy, they haven't been healthy in 3 years. Plus, these students and grads were / are studying QA, Usability, Programming, Design, and Art classes. These things only grow stronger with the amount of time your able to dedicate plus any designer can tell you there's a limit to how great a design will be if you are stressed, you're feeling nothing but stress all the bloody time to the point it could actually kill. Being forced to work for over 40 hours a week, trying to go to conventions without being fired, working at a studio for no pay at another 40 hours a week, while also trying to make games without higher level game developers helping to keep you on the right track is not going to lead anywhere pretty.

So what happens as a result of all this madness? Full Blown Depression.  The average student ( especially in the US) is in a lot of ways still a child, they don't have the sense of will or personal strength yet to overcome the fact that everything they studied will most likely never be used in the industry they wanted, and when they go to other industries ( like I did) they will likely find people scoffing them off because they already know the game industry and its college programs do not teach enough to survive anywhere else. Yes, you know how to find bugs and know what the waterfall design process is, but since you never worked at a studio or released a product your absolutely going to be skipped before the first wave of interviews. You might know someone that works at the studios who can possibly get you in ( just like the game industry practices) but what if fate decided to start you out poor? Alone? And your only outlet to stop yourself from going insane was games? ( like half of the people graduating) your basically screwed, and this is why I'm still using the hulk account.

The world is not a fair place, my life is a testament to this fact, but we need to be doing something to make the industry a more hospitable environment. We have Women in the industry everywhere being insulted for absolutely no reason, students being told they need 5 years experience with html 5 for the entry level QA position ( its existed for what 4 months?), and until just a little while ago we had no mentoring program of any kind what so ever.  People are leaving the industry at a ground breaking rate, we have devs that desperately want to finally retire ( but cant) and no one that can ever take their place. We need some changes, we need to find ways to keep people employed for more than 3 months, and we need to start giving everyone a fair chance when going through the hiring process. Until these concerns are met, myself and the account are not going anywhere.

I have applied to almost 900 jobs, interviewed at about 60, and hired twice in the last 2 years.  I'm able to somehow work for the military on things well over anyone's head effectively, and yet I'm not allowed to hunt for bugs or work design on a petty videogame.

CLAYTON REVIEWS CHAOS ON DEPONIA

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY MEANT TO GO ON VGREVOLUTION, BUT CLAYTON SINGING WASN'T ENJOYED ENOUGH....

  
 HOO! HA! SKYRIM GRUNTS! 
HOO! HA! SKYRIM GRUNTS!

♫ Come one come all, let Clayton tell you a tale,

Of a foul land that smells worse than grime in a pail.

Deponia's the land, Rufus is the player, and he truly is quite the little painter.

Lands are destroyed whenever he tinkers,

He has no control!

His ego is full!

And I guarantee he has no friends! ♪

(Huzzah, everyone wants him dead!)

♫ Point and click games have always made Clay pause,

He has never been able to find the right cause.

Some puzzles made sense only after the fact,

Especially when trying to make a platypus hatch.

Thankfully the puzzles can be skipped at any time,

In my mind if you need a skip feature here then you committed a crime.

But most of the time , Clayton managed just fine.

I'm sure the puzzles in the third game will be just sublime.♪

(Huzzah, that linguistics puzzle required overtime)

♪Rufus and the team travel the world,

 trying to stop destruction untold.

Goal is the girl that has stolen his heart,

and instead of admitting his feelings Rufus is more likely to fart.

But Rufus persevered!

He stood his ground!

And eventually all sides of Goal all came around!

All the while people are singing!

Elemental platypus are waiting!

and baby dolphins are pleading no more!

The game's comical story is it's true core! ♫

( Huzzah, Deponia is getting a good score)

CLAYTON GIVES CHAOS ON DEPONIA 5 OUT OF 5 FISTS!

FOR CREATING BROADWAY MUSICALS AT EVERY CHAPTER! 

TIME FOR HULK UPDATE

Alright, time for some bad news, worse news, and so forth.


Minus has changed the file limits for their service, so for the time being the podcast will probably only be available on vgrevolution who has been more then kind to us over the last few months in hosting the podcast.

For those more involved with the Hulk projects you'll remember we had some game projects and a website in the works? Yyyyeah, no money means the website is now cancelled until I'm able to find something more solid. The games have also been delayed because one of our minions is having computer issues, another minion that originally was in charge of programming has disappeared, and  I have yet to find a good candidate that could handle the later art. ( I'm more design and usability so my art skills have significantly slowed down the entire process)

and finally here comes the worse news. People want Hulk to show up at various conventions next year, but with over 800 resumes being sent to every studio whether it be an indie group or a mega corporation... their has been no interest. If I cant find work then I cant pay bills , and if no bills paid then obviously a luxury item like convention coverage is completely impossible.

If anyone would like to assist with coverage, let me know of any job positions opening up in their company, have any commission work they need done, or would like to help out with the games then please let me know here or on twitter. We're coming up on two years of coverage plus a few other milestones in the hulk projects. I really wish myself and the team weren't being slowed down by all this bullshit and I sincerely apologize for not being able to smash past it...