ALIENS : COLONIAL MARINES, MIRROR'S EDGE, AND THE DESIGN OF AN ELEVATOR

TO SAY THAT HULK IS DISTURBED BY THE LATEST ALIENS GAME IS NOTHING SHORT OF AN UNDERSTATEMENT. HULK HAS TRIED TO BE PATIENT, GO LOOK AT AS MANY DIFFERENT VIEWS AND OPINIONS ON THE GAME AS POSSIBLE TO FIND SOME PARTICULAR INSTANCE OF THE GAME DOING SOMETHING CORRECT, AND ALL HULK HAS FOUND IS PASSIONATE SADNESS FROM EVERYONE THAT WAS WAITING FOR THE GAME.

ONE ISSUE HOWEVER IS DESERVING OF SPECIAL ATTENTION FOR ITS COMICAL FAILINGS, NO NOT THE VIDEO OF XENOMORPHIC JAZZ HANDS ( ALTHOUGH HULK DOES FIND IT TROUBLE SOME) , THE LARGEST MIND BREAKING BUG HULK HAS FACED IN ALIENS : COLONIAL MARINES IS THEIR DOOR DESIGNS.

HUMOR HULK FOR A MOMENT AND VIEW THE FOLLOWING THE VIDEO (SKIP TO 3:47)

THE ENTIRE VIDEO IS ACTUALLY QUITE FUNNY BUT THE ELEVATOR IS SOMETHING THAT HULK WISHES TO ILLUSTRATE A POINT ON. A NORMAL ELEVATOR USUALLY HAS A BUTTON FOR SMASHING PRESSING TO SIGNIFY TO THE ELEVATOR GODS THAT YOU ARE IN NEED OF A LIFT, YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF METAL CLASHING, THINGS ARE WHIRRING, AND YOUR LIFT IS FALLING INTO PLACE. IF LUCKY YOU ARE GIVEN RANDOM LITTLE FACTS ABOUT THE AREA, GIVEN SOME SULTRY ELEVATOR MUSIC, OR MAYBE READ ABOUT THE RUNNERS HIGH.

ITS A STANDARD SYSTEM, WE SEE THIS EVERYWHERE, AND HULK FIRMLY BELIEVES MOST GAME DESIGNERS, LEVEL DESIGNERS, AND OTHER VARIOUS GAME DEV PROFESSIONALS KNOW WHAT A FREAKING ELEVATOR IS. IN ALIENS COLONIALS MARINES THESE SIGHTS AND SOUNDS ARE WHAT YOU CAN HEAR AT ANY DOOR, IT CONFUSES THE ***** OUT OF EVERYONE THAT IS PLAYING THE GAME.

HULK CAN SAW ONE PERSON UNLASER DOOR, WAIT PATIENTLY, WE CAN SEE LIGHTS DANCING IN THE PANEL IN A UP TO DOWN DIRECTION THAT REMINDS HULK VERY MUCH OF OBJECTS MOVING PAST LIGHT,AND MANY DIFFERENT SOUNDS OF SOMETHING MOVING DOWN A SHAFT NOT UNLIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD SEE IN DEUS EX (7:38)

BUT WITH ALIENS WE NEVER KNOW WHAT WE SHALL FIND... WILL IT BE A WAREHOUSE? A CLOSET? THE DOOR IS MADE OF GLASS YET HULK STILL HEAR THE SOUNDS OF AN ELEVATOR SO THAT DOCTORS OFFICE IS CLEARLY SOME SORT OF CERBERUS TRAP.... IT ISN'T?.....REALLY?


DID ANYONE AT THE 4+ STUDIOS INVOLVED WITH THIS GAME EVEN TEST THEIR PRODUCT? OR WAS EVERYONE TOO DEPRESSED WHILE THE QA TESTERS AND USABILITY PROFESSIONALS JUST SILENTLY CRIED INTO THE NIGHT?

THIS ISN'T JUST SOME SMALL BUG BY BROKEN CODE OR POOR COMMUNICATION. SOMEONE DELIBERATELY PLACED THIS SOUND IN THE LIBRARY, KEYED IT TO THIS DOOR, AND THOUGHT IT WAS A PERFECT FIT. THIS BUG IS BAD DESIGN, BAD DIRECTION, TERRIBLY TESTED, AND SO SAD THAT HULK CAN'T FIND ANY HUMOR IN IT. (29:10)