Tuesday, February 21, 2012

O.M.G. CLAYTON IS SMASHING FOR ONCE!

GOD HELP US ALL! HERE COMES A CLAYTON ARTICLE!


I was looking at something stillgray posted earlier today about the mass effect 3 demo and its lack luster performance at enticing anyone to want to play the game.

What I found surprising is that maybe half of it sounded a lot like the demo I played at pax, but had gone through some horrific tweaking that instead of making the demo better, or focused on getting everyone ready for ME3 , had gone out of its way to permanently damage their chances of this game even being something that people would even want to buy.


so as an act of torture, I'm now going to view this horrific " monstrosity " yet again and post my thoughts along the way.

1 minute: in traditional fashion we see a quick intro going over how humanity has entered the realm of space. Unfortunately for those that aren't speed readers... you won't be able to read the entire thing in time. #ClaytonSmash

10 minutes: wow.... it took ten whole minutes before we see any action what so ever. Yes it's a good idea to reflect the idea that Shepherd is back home, the people are blind as to how f******* they are right now and in the immediate future. Now that I think about it... Why are the citizens always blind right before they get screwed in these type of stories? Infinite Space ran with that angle in the first arc and then focused in the second arc how its a lesson as to why we shouldn't be like this. Maybe someone should make a game where the people actually listen, just to give people a frame of reference.

15 minutes: A lot of walking, Shepherd apparently owing Anderson a thousand favors ( never explained ), we see this new enemy called " cannibal " before we know what they are or what they do, and now some walking with a weak melee segment.

20 minutes: I got to use the omni blade.... wait... when did I get the omni blade? did i always have the omni blade? who gave it to me? was I wearing it during that fancy meeting with the big wigs 5 minutes in? Security really is terrible around here.

25 minutes: A massive explosion just caused me to get slammed into a wall at 50 mph and then slid me down said wall for at least 50 feet. No scrapes or bruising anywhere.


30 minutes: I just moved someone out of a building... bridge...thing.... wait... the way the building came down would suggest that leg was just torn off. Maybe I just missed something when that new enemy type decided to fly by.

35 minutes: Finally a real fire fight.... with a rifle i just suddenly have that feels awfully weakened when compared to the last game... and i cant take a shot for ****.

Wow.... a lot of objects getting stuck in my shepherd character. I can't see what I'm shooting at.

It seems to be more difficult to control ai units then I previously remembered. Hell, I can't even tell if they are doing anything.


Almost every character sounds different, and I'm now plagued with a sea of text that I can't read due to the game loading quickly.... again.


40 minutes: We just sloppily shifted to a different part of the story without much say as to why, annnnd now Wrex is hitting on Liara while we're trying to save some women for Wrex. Dear god this doesn't make much sense. I need some god damn context.


And now I've magically unlocked what looks like a shotgun and a machine gun.... again....context.


.....wait.... Now for some reason Mordin Solis is moving a little bit behind some bullet proof glass. Why is he in the glass? Why hasn't he said hi yet?

oh my god... I now have 23 points to spend. What a massive level up


Fitness really shouldn't be something we can upgrade. It would be far more interesting to have it improve throughout the progress in the story line.

45 minutes: All of the characters other then shepherd play out specific ways. We really don't need to add the points in ourselves during a DEMO, Bioware. Save us some bloody time and let us get immersed.

wow... Mordin just starts randomly talking, no, "Hi Shepherd" or anything. It leaves me the impression that we just suddenly shifted in the story line again without ever informing the player. That's really messed up.

What the ****? why is Cerberus fighting us? Are they with the enemy? Are they indoctrinated? They just suddenly started shooting up the place while Mordin is screaming something about a check point.... What? did shepherd and Mordin decide to have a mission briefing before the demo and they just want the players to sit along for the ride? This is getting ridiculous.

50 minutes: OK...another firefight. I specifically remember being able to sneak through this one while my ai buddies keep them distracted.

51 minutes: OH GOD, THE AI BUDDIES MOVED WHEN I TOLD THEM TO STAY PUT! I'M DYING!


53 minutes: * restart *


54 minutes: Kirrahe makes a sudden appearance, and then seems to disappear from the combat zone while the cut-scene suggests otherwise. Out of all the places in the galaxy for Kirrahe to be , Why is he suddenly appearing at this base? Context is something Bioware seems to be completely ignoring right now.

57 minutes: Kirrahe is gone... i'm going to assume he's taking a break from all this bull****.

58 minutes: TONS of new enemy types are now being thrown at me. These things really need to happen in waves at separate intervals. An overload of information can cause just as much damage as not giving enough information. I'm beginning to think they chose the wrong level for the second half of this demo.

I'm having trouble controlling where I'm shooting and where my ai buddies get sent... it feels clunkier then ME2. The shielded enemy just took damage when the shield wasn't damaged. Bioware needs to understand what shielding looks like , how it acts when fired at, and what NEEDS to happen before a solider would be damaged.



60 minutes: I'm at the second check point. First the " security " was damaged and now the elevator is down. Both of those things are stuff that Mordin specializes in, and through his magical omni tool he could probably do this job from 150 feet away. Especially considering how we upgraded the **** out of it during ME2. Why is shepherd needed to click the fancy holo button? is his omni tool like the master key? even though I'm a solider right now that does not specialize in hacking?

65 minutes: re routed power at third check point by pulling something. How shepherd just figured out how alien technology worked without the specialist ( which is on the radio comm) explaining it, is beyond me.


" DON'T LET THEM NEAR THE FEMALE!"

SHE HAS A NAME YOU JACKASS!


70 minutes: I just killed 4 guys in a row, right next to each other, with melee, without any of them shooting at me. They just watched.....


I just leveled up, but I wasn't fighting anybody. No signals on the screen to boot. Was this a delay from the earlier watchers or was this level up caused by a triggered event?


Wow.... we just had to do a bypass without anyone explaining how the new bypasses worked.... That's a serious game design violation....

Jumping, vaulting, and climbing shouldn't be event specific. They should be a natural part of controls just like running and walking.


73 minutes: Mordin needed my "approval" to save the " female " and now I'm fighting a giant mech that has insane weaponry.... but only ever shoots at me. This is nothing more then a poor tank boss.


wow... its about half as strong as it was at pax.... why did they make it weaker?


Wrex was the first one to leave the ship... and yet he's the the one to pick me up with the ship.


I still don't know why I was this mission to begin with....


Apparently Shepherd doesn't know why Cerberus is here... even though they were expecting them like a bride on her wedding day at the beginning.


I'm not buying this game anytime soon....


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