SUCH A FAILURE

H: HULK WAS RECENTLY ASKED TO REVIEW A GAME FOR redacted due to it being a failure!

HULK WAS ALSO RECENTLY ASKED BY A YOUNG VERY ADORABLE 9 YEAR OLD GAMER WHICH GAME (IF ANY EXISTS) WOULD HULK REFUSE TO SMASH!

HULK'S ANSWER TO THE OVERLORDS AT redacted due to it being a failure, AND HULK'S NEWEST FAN IS " VALKYRIA CHRONICLES"!

C: Hulk..... This game was released 3 years ago to "universal acclaim", but poor sales.. Normally when this happens you go on a "Smash-capade" that ends with yet another studio hating us for the rest of our lives (<3).

H: HULK ADMITS HULK IS QUICK TO WRATH! AND QUICK TO RUIN!

HULK HOWEVER WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT TITLES THAT WERE CONSISTENTLY ON MESSAGE!

HULK ALSO SEARCHES FOR GAMES THAT REFLECT "WORLD MAKER" PHILOSOPHY!

AND THE RED DAWN!

C: Stop it Hulk...

H: VALKYRIA CHRONICLES DID BOTH OF THESE THINGS SEAMLESSLY!

SEGA COULD HAVE TAKEN THE LOW ROAD, AND MADE A BORING BLAND 3RD PERSON SHOOTER!

INSTEAD THEY MADE AN INCREDIBLY SOLID GAME, WRAPPED AROUND AN AMAZING STORY!

AND THIS STORY WAS PLACED INSIDE A FANCY PICTURE BOOK!

HULK LOVES FANCY PICTURE BOOKS!

C: Hulk , while I know you have a soft spot for unconventional interfaces.... that book was a nightmare. You were forced to interact with the "book" each time you wanted save, check on some stats, learn about a character, or improve the team. You spend way more time in the book, then the actual game itself.

H: CLAYTON IS REFUSING TO SEE WHAT SEGA WAS DOING!

SEGA WAS TRYING TO TELL US A STORY!

THAT BOOK WAS A METAPHOR!

IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE SEEN AS A MENU SYSTEM!

ALTHOUGH HULK WILL ADMIT THAT WAS ONE OF IT'S CORE FUNCTIONS!

C: Regardless of hidden meanings, Hulk, it was still a bloody menu system!

Maybe if the in-game menu system had more functionality I'd feel differently. Jumping through chapter after chapter in search of saving, improving my troops, and claiming rewards I had already won is not my idea of a great time.

H: HULK IS SO DISAPPOINTED IN CLAYTON!

C: I can see why you liked it Hulk.... how about I go half way on this one?

If the in-game menu system had more functionality , it auto saved after each mission, and just jumped to the next episode with no prompts.... I'd call it the greatest menu system ever.

H: HULK COULD LIVE WITH THAT!

C: Glad to see you're willing to drop to my level Hulk..... let's discuss the storyline

H: VALKYRIA CHRONICLES TAKES PLACE IN WARTIME EUROPE!

ONE PUNY COUNTRY HAS A PRECIOUS RESOURCE CALLED "RAGNITE", AND EVERYONE WANTS IT!

RAGNITE IS USED TO POWER EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD WITH A MIGHTY BLUE GLOW!

HULK WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A DIFFERENT COLOR!

NEEDED MORE SMASH!

C: How very shocking....I'll take over Hulk

The "puny " country of Gallia decides to stay neutral. They have no love for either side in this war, and would prefer keeping closed borders. The "Empire" sees this as highly problematic, and invades for the ragnite.

H: NOW ENTERS WELKIN GUNTHER! <3

C: Welkin is a science loving, nature witnessing dude that owns his own tank. When the first chapter
is finished, you're officially drafted into the army and even given the rank of lieutenant, due to your crazy, dead, war hero father.

Right off the bat, they prove Welkin is not a normal kind of guy. He sees situations a little differently
from his superiors and will use his knowledge of nature to find interesting ways to outflank the enemy.
Unfortunately, a lot of this great science never makes it into the game. They've mostly used it to define
his character and help fuel the odd situations they get into during the storyline

H: TANKS WIN WARS!

C: Welkin begins going through his roster to choose whom he wants in Squad 7. Everyone on the team has their own back story, beliefs, and personality traits that can either empower your team, or make them worse. There are even hints of racism...

H: HULK FOUND ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH THIS!

VALKYRIA WAS EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE WORLD WARS!

THE DEVELOPERS COULDN'T JUST IGNORE IT!

C: Stop interrupting Hulk..

Yes, I liked how every character had a story, and how it was intricately weaved into the gameplay. If I'm completely honest, this might be the only time I have ever seen this mechanic. As you progress through the missions, you're granted better equipment, acknowledgement from the kingdom, given a rare look into military politics (both the good and the bad), and begin to feel like Squad 7 is not just Welkin's team, but his family.

Furthermore, your team's abilities drastically increase. With the XP gained from missions each class of soldier can go through special training back at camp ( via the "picture book"). This training unlocks more abilities and personality traits. Each mission also nets you money to upgrade your different classes including the tank.

Seemingly overnight, Squad 7 goes from being a bunch of wimpy campers to a brutal hit squad that loves playing with fire.

H: HULK'S SQUAD 7 WERE MORE INTO GRENADES , AND SNIPER RIFLES .....DON'T JUDGE HULK!

WHY IS CLAYTON HAVING TROUBLE WITH VALKYRIA CHRONICLES?

C: When I play games, Hulk.... It's to escape reality for just a little while. Though I will give them credit for going into such intricate "holistic" detail (as some would describe it).....it went from being a fun little squad shooter to being serious business rather quickly, and I really wasn't ready for it.

It's cool that they were willing to look into world history and even explain some of the crazy bullsh*t things humans have done to each other. I think the art style here might have been the problem. At first glance its rich cell shading techniques make you think childish, and happy thoughts. However, the storyline covered things like genocide, young vs. old mentalities, orphans, and had absolutely no problem with explaining death.

H: THAT KIND OF DETAIL IS WHAT THE INDUSTRY NEEDS!

HULK THINKS GAMES CAN MAKE PEOPLE THINK!

MAKE THEM FACE WHAT THEY ONCE FEARED!

IN HULK'S EYES VALKYRIA WAS BOLD! AND AS SUCH SHOULD BE CELEBRATED!

C: Did you find anything problematic about your experience Hulk?

H: HULK FOUND THE A.I. FUNNY AT TIMES!

IF THE MAP HAD AN UPCOMING EVENT, AND HULK DID NOT TRIGGER...

THE A.I. WOULD START RUNNING IN CIRCLES!

HULK REALIZED THIS WAS A SMALL OVERSIGHT IN THE A.I. DESIGN!

HULK WOULD OCCASIONALLY USE THIS TO HULK'S ADVANTAGE IN COMBAT!

C: For those that don't know, the final missions can be a bit.....challenging.

You have to plan every move with great precision, and at times your team will be continuously surrounded. It's not in any way like the final scene of Halo: Reach, but it certainly kept me on my toes.

H: HULK WAS DEEPLY SADDENED BY THE LACK OF A PROPER SEQUEL ON THE PS3!

HULK IS ALSO CURIOUS WHAT MUTIPLAYER FOR VALKYRIA WOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE!

HULK THINKS SOME HOT MULTIPLAYER ACTION WOULD HAVE BEEN A SMASHING SELLING POINT!

C: I too would have liked to see a proper sequel.

Alright, before Hulk comes up with anymore silly jokes..... let's give a verdict!

H: VALKRYIA CHRONICLES IS AN EXCELLENT GAME THAT WAS ROBBED OF A SPECTACULAR DESTINY!

HULK GIVES VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 5 OUT OF 5 FISTS!

FOR BEING A SYMBOL OF WHAT EVERY GAME DESIGNER SHOULD STRIVE FOR!

SIDENOTE: THE MUSIC WAS REALLY GOOD TOO!

NO LOVE FOR HULK IT SEEMS.....LET HULK KNOW WHAT HULK DID WRONG : (