Tuesday, December 4, 2012

HULK REVIEWS SAINTS ROW THE THIRD




SAINTS ROW THE THIRD IS FANTABULOUS FOR ABOUT THE FIRST 40% OF THE OVERALL RIDE...AFTER THAT IT STARTS GOING THROUGH VIDEOGAME CLICHES 

THE REALLY *GREAT* SHINING MOMENTS ARE FEW AND FAR IN BETWEEN, SOME MISSIONS REQUIRE CERTAIN UPGRADES ALREADY BOUGHT OR MISSION BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE  

BUT THOSE SHINING MOMENTS ARE REALLY SOMETHING TO SEE, HULK NEVER LAUGHED AT A CHAINSAW BEFORE 

IS THIS GAME WORTH 60? NO... 30? NOT REALLY.... LOWER AND FOR CHARITY? GOD YES...

BUT HULK WILL SAY THAT BEING ABLE TO BRING HULK TO A VIDEOGAME WITH ONLY 5 MINUTES OF EDITING IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER... 

THE THINGS HULK DID.....HULK EYES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME....  

HULK GIVES SAINTS ROW THE THIRD 3 OUT OF 5 FISTS.... 
FOR SOMEHOW FINDING A WAY FOR HULK TO SHAKE HULK ASS ON CAMERA

HULK WOULD SAY MORE, BUT THE PHOTOS ARE BETTER... 























Wednesday, November 28, 2012

MAKING THE CALL

HULK OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS HAS RECEIVED SOME RATHER.....ADORABLE PHONE CALLS FROM HR REPRESENTATIVES THAT FELT LIKE THEY NEEDED TO CONTACT HULK ABOUT POSSIBLE EMPLOYMENT.


THESE ARE GAME INDUSTRY JOBS,  (USUALLY ENTRY LEVEL JOBS) IN  DESIGN, USABILITY, AND SOMETHING TO DO WITH SOCIAL MEDIA.

BELOW ARE THE AVERAGE  REQUIREMENTS.



  • 5+YEARS C++

  • 10+ YEARS C#

  • 5 YEARS HTML5 "TECHNOLOGIES"

  • 1- 3 SHIPPED "AAA" TITLES

  • MUST HAVE RELEASED ONE GAME ON EVERY SINGLE CURRENT GENERATION CONSOLE INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO SMART PHONES

  • MUST HAVE CERTIFICATIONS WITH MICROSOFT ( NEVER SAYS WHICH ONES)


  • MUST HAVE B.S. IN GAME RELATED FIELD BUT MASTERS AND OR PHD IS STRONGLY REQUIRED ( THEY DON'T EXIST YET)


  • MUST HAVE PRESENCE IN GAME INDUSTRY FOR AT LEAST 5 + YEARS AND HAVE REFERENCES FROM EVERY STUDIO YOU HAVE PREVIOUSLY WORKED FOR.




AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, WHEN THEY CALL, IT IS USUALLY SOMEONE IN INDIA WHO IS BEING PAID PER CALL. HE SPEAKS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT SO HE CAN EARN JUST A LITTLE MORE PAY FOR HIS STARVING FAMILY AT HOME.

THIS MAN IS PAID TO BLAZE THROUGH A THOUSAND RESUMES IN A DAY WITHOUT EVER KNOWING WHAT EXACTLY IT IS THAT HE IS READING OR SAYING AND AS HULK WRITES THIS, ANOTHER "ENTRY LEVEL GAMEJOB" IS MAKING HULK'S PHONE VIBRATE.


EXCUSE HULK WHILE HE MAKES THE CALL


( ADDITIONAL NOTES: SOMETIMES HULK GET LUCKY AND HEARS DIRECTLY FROM A STUDIO, LESS PAINFUL BUT USUALLY STILL NOT HIRED BECAUSE THEY ARE LOOKING FOR SENIOR LEVEL STAFF......FOR THEIR ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.... OF HUNTING FOR BUGS) 






Tuesday, November 27, 2012

HULK DOES NOT UNDERSTAND


HULK HAS NOW PLAYED DEPONIA FOR ALL ITS WORTH, AND HULK IS VERY VERY PLEASED. THE DEVELOPERS CREATED A PIECE OF CONTENT THAT IS HILARIOUS, WHIMSICAL, AND IS FULL TO THE BRIM WITH SILLY SILLY SONGS THAT ONLY SERVE TO ENHANCE THE THRILL OF THE ADVENTURE!

IT REMINDS HULK OF SIMPLER TIMES WHEN EVERY PS1 GAME WAS AN ORIGINAL PIECE OF CONTENT, ALL TREATED AND TAILORED WELL THROUGH ALL OF ITS RELEASES ( USUALLY), AND DID NOTHING BUT MAKE THE SONY BRAND MEMORABLE TO LOTS OF PEOPLE!

IF IT WASNT FOR THOSE WONDERFUL GAMES, SONY WOULD NOT BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW. WHY DOES IT TAKE SOME INDIE TEAM TO MAKE A STRONG PRESENTATION? THESE PUBLISHERS HAVE ALL BEEN IN THIS GAME FOR YEARS, THEY KNOW HOW GAMES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MADE, AND YET DEPONIA WITH ALL ITS FLAWS STILL MANAGED TO MAKE A MORE SOLID OVERALL PRESENTATION WITH THEIR SMALL TEAM FULL OF STARRY EYED ( GRANTED VERY TALENTED) GAME DESIGNERS.


THIS IS WHAT REALLY BOTHERS HULK, IF A GAME DOESNT REALLY CLICK WELL, THEN JUST THROW IT OUT THE DOOR IS THE STANDARD PUBLISHER MODEL, JUST TRY TO RECOUP LOSSES WHERE WE CAN.

DEPONIA'S PROCESS WAS NEVER THAT WAY, THEY REINED THINGS IN, MADE A STELLAR DESIGN, CONSISTENT SCRIPT, EXECUTED, AND DIDN'T STOP UNTIL EVERYTHING LOOKED SEXY.

ITS ONE OF THE BEST GAMES HULK HAS PLAYED ALL YEAR AND HULK DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY HULK ISN'T SEEING MORE OF THEM

PETTY VIDEOGAMES



Earlier today I received an interesting "comment" from Jonathon Holmes ( I like the guy, so this isn't a smashing)  and I think it's time yet again to explain what exactly I do online.


A few years ago the games industry was a rather lovely place. People would train, get their degrees, spend endless hours at a game studio learning all kinds of things that the traditional college environment can't teach while also deciding where exactly each grad would like to do after they finally clear up all the bugs in the latest game SquareUbiVision is deciding to limp to the barn with. However, what SquareUbiVision didn't realize is that their own rather bland ideas on "AAA" games were only going to produce great sales as long people were still buying games at a growing rate. The recession happened, Greece blew up, and the world at large began to panic about money. People began buying less while the game industry at large felt they were recession proof, slowly but surely they were proven wrong.

Right around that time their existed a very young wide eyed college senior that had just been laid off from Lockheed Martin. The college grad had spent a great deal of time working on Usability and Game Design for Lockheed in the hopes of making them a better running system. The Maryland area from which this grad had gone to school was facing the realization that every game except Skyrim was about to fail due to creating piss poor games and NO ONE in the area would even speak to college grads. A great many students and teachers had theories as to why this was a case. Some believed the close by military industry had somehow made developers antisocial to anyone that wasn't their own kind, others believed ( foolishly) the game developers were ignoring people in the hopes they would somehow grow as an individual, while the young grad saw the issues in a different light. He had tried contacting Joystiq, Gamasutra, Destructoid and a great deal of other sites along with about 70% of the game industry in the past with almost no responses. The Grad was asking things like " how did you guys start out? are you hiring? What are the entry level requirements? And do you guys ever meet up anywhere like at conventions and what not?" the only group to ever respond was Valve. " Hi Clay, I know it's hard out in the industry right now ( believe me I know) but it looks like you're on the other side of the U.S. ( bummer we can't meet up) I would advise to keep working on stuff and better yet try to find your own unique thing to help push you away from the other grads that WILL apply". A few weeks go by after this one fleeting email and I have to admit I was getting frustrated. 6 months until graduation, the development scene and IGDA for the area were all but destroyed ( I hear its coming back now somehow, unconfirmed), and utter silence was filling all attempts to garner any attention with outside studios. Twitter didn't work, Facebook didn't work, I hadn't proper work in months so going to conventions was highly unlikely all the while the devs are most certainly out talking to people and apparently helping their friends score their first jobs in the game industry if they had the right "credentials".

At around this time a teacher had told me about the Hulk accounts. How individuals from various industries had found a voice after the industries themselves for whatever reason had decided to shun them. I personally hated using the idea of an internet gag to prove my own professional worth, but film critic hulk was saying odd things at the time ( and even more odder things about the game industry later on) and actually had found some god damn results with it. Right around my birthday "@HULKGAMECRIT" was born and earnestly began smashing all the issues I mentioned earlier. Within the first god damn week I had Jane Mcgonigal, Ian Bogost, James ( give hulk a pax media pass) God damn Portnow,  and half of Double Fine answering some questions. Within 2 weeks I had reached 200 followers due to Cntrl Alt Delete and his wonderful website, and within a month I had found others that shared similar issues and wanted to work on some content. We planned , We schemed, We made terrible terrible jokes about dragon clowns / Persona characters, and we began writing articles and recording podcasts. People started to listen, some students received some much needed help( one was picked up by Bethesda), Gameranx and  VGrevolution were turning some of our "profane" ramblings into posts and *poof* we somehow had finally managed to find an audience. Soon however I realized that the issues that started the account were only about to get worse.

The average entry level game industry job requires at least one "AAA" title released, and interns are forced in almost all studios to work without pay with absolutely no guarantee of being hired after the fact. A far difference in ethics and behavior from a few short years ago. So every student and grad is now trapped in an inescapable hell hole that really is too high to escape. They have 6 months before they need to start paying loans, more than 50% of all college grads cannot find work, and the average salary needed to live in a city with a game studio without assistance is about 28,000$. You can't just work at Starbucks or McDonald's at 10$ an hour to make that kind of money while also working 40+ hours a week for a studio, and those industries rely on strong sales to keep the hours nice and healthy, they haven't been healthy in 3 years. Plus, these students and grads were / are studying QA, Usability, Programming, Design, and Art classes. These things only grow stronger with the amount of time your able to dedicate plus any designer can tell you there's a limit to how great a design will be if you are stressed, you're feeling nothing but stress all the bloody time to the point it could actually kill. Being forced to work for over 40 hours a week, trying to go to conventions without being fired, working at a studio for no pay at another 40 hours a week, while also trying to make games without higher level game developers helping to keep you on the right track is not going to lead anywhere pretty.

So what happens as a result of all this madness? Full Blown Depression.  The average student ( especially in the US) is in a lot of ways still a child, they don't have the sense of will or personal strength yet to overcome the fact that everything they studied will most likely never be used in the industry they wanted, and when they go to other industries ( like I did) they will likely find people scoffing them off because they already know the game industry and its college programs do not teach enough to survive anywhere else. Yes, you know how to find bugs and know what the waterfall design process is, but since you never worked at a studio or released a product your absolutely going to be skipped before the first wave of interviews. You might know someone that works at the studios who can possibly get you in ( just like the game industry practices) but what if fate decided to start you out poor? Alone? And your only outlet to stop yourself from going insane was games? ( like half of the people graduating) your basically screwed, and this is why I'm still using the hulk account.

The world is not a fair place, my life is a testament to this fact, but we need to be doing something to make the industry a more hospitable environment. We have Women in the industry everywhere being insulted for absolutely no reason, students being told they need 5 years experience with html 5 for the entry level QA position ( its existed for what 4 months?), and until just a little while ago we had no mentoring program of any kind what so ever.  People are leaving the industry at a ground breaking rate, we have devs that desperately want to finally retire ( but cant) and no one that can ever take their place. We need some changes, we need to find ways to keep people employed for more than 3 months, and we need to start giving everyone a fair chance when going through the hiring process. Until these concerns are met, myself and the account are not going anywhere.


I have applied to almost 900 jobs, interviewed at about 60, and hired twice in the last 2 years.  I'm able to somehow work for the military on things well over anyone's head effectively, and yet I'm not allowed to hunt for bugs or work design on a petty videogame.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

CLAYTON REVIEWS CHAOS ON DEPONIA

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY MEANT TO GO ON VGREVOLUTION, BUT CLAYTON SINGING WASN'T ENJOYED ENOUGH....


  
 HOO! HA! SKYRIM GRUNTS! 
HOO! HA! SKYRIM GRUNTS!


♫ Come one come all, let Clayton tell you a tale,
Of a foul land that smells worse than grime in a pail.
Deponia's the land, Rufus is the player, and he truly is quite the little painter.
Lands are destroyed whenever he tinkers,
He has no control!
His ego is full!
And I guarantee he has no friends! ♪

(Huzzah, everyone wants him dead!)

Point and click games have always made Clay pause,
He has never been able to find the right cause.
Some puzzles made sense only after the fact,
Especially when trying to make a platypus hatch.
Thankfully the puzzles can be skipped at any time,
In my mind if you need a skip feature here then you committed a crime.
But most of the time , Clayton managed just fine.
I'm sure the puzzles in the third game will be just sublime.♪

(Huzzah, that linguistics puzzle required overtime)

♪Rufus and the team travel the world,
 trying to stop destruction untold.
Goal is the girl that has stolen his heart,
and instead of admitting his feelings Rufus is more likely to fart.
But Rufus persevered!
He stood his ground!
And eventually all sides of Goal all came around!
All the while people are singing!
Elemental platypus are waiting!
and baby dolphins are pleading no more!
The game's comical story is it's true core! ♫

( Huzzah, Deponia is getting a good score)

CLAYTON GIVES CHAOS ON DEPONIA 5 OUT OF 5 FISTS!
FOR CREATING BROADWAY MUSICALS AT EVERY CHAPTER! 



Friday, November 9, 2012

TIME FOR HULK UPDATE


Alright, time for some bad news, worse news, and so forth.


Minus has changed the file limits for their service, so for the time being the podcast will probably only be available on vgrevolution who has been more then kind to us over the last few months in hosting the podcast.

For those more involved with the Hulk projects you'll remember we had some game projects and a website in the works? Yyyyeah, no money means the website is now cancelled until I'm able to find something more solid. The games have also been delayed because one of our minions is having computer issues, another minion that originally was in charge of programming has disappeared, and  I have yet to find a good candidate that could handle the later art. ( I'm more design and usability so my art skills have significantly slowed down the entire process)

and finally here comes the worse news. People want Hulk to show up at various conventions next year, but with over 800 resumes being sent to every studio whether it be an indie group or a mega corporation... their has been no interest. If I cant find work then I cant pay bills , and if no bills paid then obviously a luxury item like convention coverage is completely impossible.

If anyone would like to assist with coverage, let me know of any job positions opening up in their company, have any commission work they need done, or would like to help out with the games then please let me know here or on twitter. We're coming up on two years of coverage plus a few other milestones in the hulk projects. I really wish myself and the team weren't being slowed down by all this bullshit and I sincerely apologize for not being able to smash past it...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

HULK REVIEWS BORDERLANDS 2




BORDERLANDS 2 IS EVERYTHING THAT WAS GREAT ABOUT THE FIRST ONE, 
NOW WRAPPED IN A COATING OF WEIRD... 

 MORE CONVERSATIONS AND MORE HILARIOUS CHARACTERS ARE THE KIND OF
THINGS THAT MAKE HULK GIGGLE WITH JOY! 

WHAT DIDNT MAKE HULK GIGGLE IS HOW MUCH THEY GOT OBSESSED WITH NUMBERS, MIMICRY OF WHAT OTHERS GAMES HAVE DONE, 
AND HANDSOME JACK... 

A-L-O-T OF WHAT HAPPENS IN ASSASSINS CREED FRANCHISE NOW HAPPENS IN BORDERLANDS.. FOR EVERY MOMENT OF "BAD ASS" THERE'S ALSO DISAPOINTMENT

 JUST BECAUSE A GAME COMPANY DID THIS ONE THING AND MADE A LOT OF MONEY DOES NOT MEAN GEARBOX SHOULD HAVE JUST FUCKING COPIED THEM.... 

HULK HEAR GEARBOX WRITERS TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY DUG DEEP AND ALL THAT OTHER WHAT NOT... IN TRUTH THEY JUST PLAYED GAMES KNEW WHAT WORKED IN THOSE GAMES, AND MADE SURE BORDERLANDS 2 DID WHAT THEY DID..

RIGHT AROUND THE TIME TINY TINA GETS HER STORY TOLD, HULK WENT FROM BEING IMPRESSED TO STRAIGHT UP ANNOYED!

HULK WENT FROM REALLY HATING A CHARACTER, TO REALLY REALLY HATING A CHARACTER, TO "ALRIGHT WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT PERSON KILLED..". 

THEN ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER HULK WAS VIOLENTLY MURDERED IN A NON COMBAT AREA BY AN INVISIBLE TRAIN... 

AND THE TRAIN TRACKS MUST HAVE ALSO BEEN INVISIBLE...

THE SOUND OF THAT INVISIBLE TRAIN CRUSHING HULK BONES WITH A LONG WHISTLE SHALL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN 

IN TRUTH BORDERLANDS WAS AN INTERESTING IDEA, BORDERLANDS 2 IS A HEAP OF POLISH WITH LACK OF REAL TRUE ORIGINALITY.... 

MOST OF WHATS NEW IS NOT WORKING CORRECTLY, AND HULK IS STILL DISAPPOINTED IN THE NINJA / ASSASSIN CLASS... 

HULK DOESNT CARE IF IT IS AN RPG / FPS! A NINJA / ASSASSIN NEEDS TO BE COMMANDING STEALTH AND SWORD TECHNIQUES! 

 THEY EVEN GO THE DISTANCE AND MAKE THE ROBOT CRIPPLE-ABLE! WHY CANT HULK SLASH ENEMIES OR GUNS IN HALF LIKE A BADASS? 

WHY CANT HULK CAUSE HUGE EXPLOSIONS WITH SOME RIDICULOUS SWORD TECHNIQUE? SILENTLY KILL ENEMIES? USE SHURIKEN? USE MORE POISON? 

IF HULK'S ONLY "TRAP CARD" IS A CLOAKING ABILITY, THEN HULK IS REALLY GOING TO FEEL AWKWARD AT TINY TINA'S DINNER PARTY'S! 

DEAR HULK GODS, THEY MADE A FUCKING YUGIOH REFERENCE BUT THEY DECIDED NOT TO USE ANY JAPANESE LORE? THIS IS JUST SO WRONG.... 

 SOOO MANY SWORDS COULD HAVE BEEN PLACED IN THIS GAME.... 

 HULK GIVES BORDERLANDS 2: 3 OUT OF 5 FISTS...


Monday, September 17, 2012

HULK REVIEWS DEVIL SURVIVOR 2





HULK REACHED OPINION ON DEVIL SURVIVOR2

....ITS A FLAWED DESIGN.... 

 THE GAME ITSELF RUNS FINE, EVERYTHING FROM TENSEI SERIES IS IN HERE.... 

BUT THE SPEED IS NOT MATCHING THE SETTING... 
 THERE'S NO WAY TO PROPERLY JUSTIFY IT NOW... 

DEATH IS BEING USED AS A THROWAWAY TOY... 
THE SIDE CHARACTERS ARE BEING USED LIKE THROW AWAY TOYS... 

THEY ARE SAYING THINGS THAT QUANTIFY 
TO US KNOWING THEM FOR A VERY LONG TIME... 
AND THE GAME IS ONLY 9 DAYS IN LENGTH.... 

THEY DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WORLD DESTRUCTION BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER.... 

 FURTHER MORE... EVERYONE IS HAPPY... 
THE WORLD DESTROYED, FAMILY PROBABLY DEAD, 
AND ONLY ONE CHARACTER IS SHOWING GRIEF.... 

UTTER ********* NONSENSE... 

 THE FUNNY PART IS THAT HULK IS STILL GIVING THE GAME A 4 OUT OF 5..... 

NO REAL DAMAGING DESIGN FLAWS, 
POINTS CAN BE REACHED, 
HULK MAY HATE THE PISS POOR DESIGN CHOICES,
 BUT HULK CANT MAIM THE SCORE FOR THAT... 

 ITS JUST A FEW STEPS OFF FROM BEING ITS OWN WORLD... 
HULK THINK PLAYERS MAY EVEN LEARN A FEW THINGS WHILE PLAYING
... TANGENTIAL LEARNING....

 SO IN THE END.... 
HAS HULK HAD FUN?
....YES... 
AS FILLING AS PERSONA?
 IN SOME WAYS
... BECAUSE ITS DIFFERENT... 

HULK GIVE DS 2 : 4 OUT OF 5 FISTS!
 FOR BEING A STEPPING STONE TO SOMETHING BETTER..


BY THE WAY GUYS, THIS GAME COSTS LESS THEN 30$
THAT IS A SERIOUS BONUS IN HULK COURT...


Saturday, September 15, 2012

HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST: THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS EDITION!

CLAYTON, ANDRE, PRINNY, THE ILLUSIVE BACON, AND KANECO ALL APPEAR, LAUGH, AND CRY OURSELVES INTO UTTER INSANITY...UTTER SCOTTISH INSANITY


DISCUSSION POINTS:

BACON
THE BACONING
"I HATE YOU"
"I HATE YOU TOO"
"GUYS PLEASE USE THE MUTE FUNCTION"
SCOTTISH WIVES ******** UP THE PODCAST
EA AND ZYNGA CONTINUE THEIR SUE DANCE
BEST PODCAST EVER...
DOWNLOAD

MUSIC IS FROM FRACTALE AND PERSONA 4: THE ANIME
HULK ADMITS THESE TRACKS ARE HARDER TO FIND NOW...
STILL GREAT TO LISTEN TO...



HULK REVIEWS : PERSONA ARENA



PERSONA ARENA IS SOMETHING THAT HULK HAS HAD FEAR OF FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW.... 

ATLUS SPENT SO MUCH TIME MAKING SURE PERSONA BECAME ITS OWN THING... 
ITS OWN VERY STRONG VERY FASCINATING THING..

SOMETHING SO STRONG THAT HULK CANT SMASH IT...
 HULK TRIED HARD TOO....   

SO WHEN HULK FINDS OUT THE NEXT INSTALLMENT IS AN ARCADE FIGHTER... 
HULK IMMEDIATELY STARTED YELLING! 
WHOLE HULK CAVE CAME DOWN! 

 PERSONA ARENA IS A MIXTURE OF THINGS HULK HAS EXPECTED FROM THE SERIES, MIXTURE OF THINGS UNEXPECTED, 
AND ODD CONTROL SET UPS... 

 IF SPARKLY AWESOME ATTACKS = WEIRD CONTROL PATTERNS 
 THEN DISCONNECT WILL HAPPEN! 
AND DID HAPPEN! 

BUT ATLUS DECIDED TO MAKE THE GAME ANYWAY... 
SHEER BALLS WERE NEEDED TO WORK ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT... 

BY THE TIME HULK WAS DONE WORKING THROUGH MAIN STORY, 
HULK REACHED AN OPINION THAT PERHAPS EVERYTHING SO FAR HAS BEEN PLANNED FOR YEARS, AND THIS REALLY IMPRESSED HULK!

 P3,P4, AND P4 ARENA MATCH UP BEAUTIFULLY,
AND P4 ARENA EVEN COVERED TERRITORY
WE NORMALLY NEVER GOT TO SEE IN THE CHARACTERS BEFORE... 

THE ANIME ALSO MANAGED TO DO THE SAME THING!
.. IT'S REALLY GREAT HAVING SO MANY DIFFERENT VERSIONS
 OF THE ORIGINAL CONTENT ALL ROCKING IT!
AND STANDING AS THEIR OWN IDENTITY!

FOR BEING WILLING TO TRY SOMETHING, 
EVEN IF IT MEANS CAUSING ANGER WITH CONTROLS... 
HULK GIVES PERSONA ARENA 4 OUT OF 5 FISTS.... 


CLAYTON WROTE HIS OPINION OVER HERE...

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST! BRITISH STEAMPUNK FUTURE EDITION!

GRAB A DRINK! CURL UP BY THE HEARTH FIRE! AND LET CLAYTON, ANDRE, PRINNY, ILLUSIVE MAN, AND MATHIAS SPIN YOU A TALE OF SADNESS...STEAM PUNK BRITISH SEXUAL HARASSMENT SADNESS...


DISCUSSION POINTS:

ILLUSIVE MAN! INNNNNNNNNNNNNN SPACE!
VINTAGENESS...
SCOTTISH GAME INDUSTRY DOESN'T REALLY EXIST...
STARDOCK DUMB ******KERY
" I AM A SEXIST VULGAR EMBARASSING PERSON"
"YOU SHOULD QUIT IF YOU DONT LIKE IT"
"YOU QUIT SO SUDDENLY... IM SUING YOU FOR A MILLION DOLLARS"
"THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY"
UBISOFT IS "DOING AWAY WITH DRM"
ILLUSIVE MAN HAS LEARNED TH RIGHT WAY TO SEXUALLY HARASS SOMEONE
PLEASE TOUCH THE RED BUTTON IN HUMAN RESOURCES

DOWNLOAD

 THIS WEEK'S MUSIC IS FROM PORTAL 2 AND FINAL FANTASY 13-2..

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

HULK REVIEWS GUILD WARS 2




GUILD WARS 2 TO HULK REPRESENTS A LOT OF THINGS TO HULK... 
ITS A STEP IN AN MMO DIRECTION HULK HAS WANTED BUT NEVER SEEN.... 

ALL OF HULK'S LIFE, HULK HAS DREAMED OF BEING IN A GAME WHERE SOMETHING RANDOM HAPPENED AND HULK WAS ABLE TO SAVE THE DAY AND MAYBE AFTERWORDS GO SIT IN A FIELD AND THINK ABOUT WHY EVERYONE HAS SUCH EXCESSIVE CENTAUR BLOOD LUST...

BUT THE BUGS IN GUILD WARS 2 ARE JARRING THIS DREAM! HULK WANTS MINIONS TO FACE REGULAR ENEMIES! NOT BUGGED IMPOSSIBLE TO HIT ONES!

AND THIS SADNESS HAS ONLY GROWS.... 
TO GET THE NEXT BIG ABILITY... 
THE NEXT "GROWTH" 
30 LEVELS OF TRAINING AT MOST WOULD BE NEEDED!

WHILE HULK WILL ADMIRE GUILD WARS 2 FOR HAVING 
THE BALLS TRY SOME NEW THINGS... 
THESE BUGS AND LIMITS ARE DRIVING HULK CRAZY... 

FOR ENDLESS CENTAUR BLOOD LUST,
 HULK GIVES GUILD WARS 2
 3 OUT OF 5 FISTS, MAY CHANGE SCORE IF BUGS ARE FIXED.

THE REASON WHY HULK IS DECIDING TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO FIX THINGS IS BECAUSE HULK WANTS TO BELIEVE IN MMO'S..

IF ONE DAY WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SWORD ART ONLINE WAS POSSIBLE.. 
THEN HULK WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE A BREAK FROM SMASHING...

PLEASE LET THAT DAY COME... 


CLAYTON HAD SOME ADDITIONAL THINGS TO SAY

Monday, September 3, 2012

HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST: HOUSE PROOFING AND CULTURAL SENSITIVITY EDITION!

THIS WEEK CLAYTON, ANDRE, ILLUSIVE MAN, NICHOLAS, AND MATHIAS TALK ABOUT HAVING CHILDREN, A NICE WARM FIRE, AND A SABER CAT RUG UNDER THE MANTLE. IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES, AND THE SAME STUPID GAME NEWS IS ALWAYS THE CONSTANT IN THIS SKYRIM EQUATION!


DISCUSSION POINTS:

ANDRE AND HULK WERE DISCUSSING NAMES FOR THIS WEEKS PODCAST! HERE'S THE RESULTS!

JUST ANOTHER STUPID DAY OF STUPID GAME NEWS EDITION!
 HOPE OF A CHILD EDITION!
JUST DON'T HAVE KIDS EDITION!
AVOID MATCHES WHILE IN WAR TORN EUROPE EDITION!
BELIEVE IN THE DPS EDITION!
CHILLIDEN BRORAGE EDITION!
TRIPLE FILTERED SCOTCH > CHILDREN EDITION!
WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE HOLLAND EDITION!
GUILD WARS 2 IS BROKEN EDITION!
THE TIME MACHINE DID IT EDITION!
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR ZOMBIE CHILD DRAGON EDITION!
SKYRIM NEEDS AN AMBER ALERT EDITION!
GIVE IT BACK TO GOD EDITION!
♫CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN HEARTHFIRE EDITION!♪
HOW THE HELL DID WE GET MORE OFFENSIVE WITHOUT PRINNY EDITION?

 DOWNLOAD

THE MUSIC IS FROM EDEN OF THE EAST AND SOUL EATER! GO BUY IT ALREADY!



Monday, August 27, 2012

HULKGAMECRIT PODCAST: THE WORLD ENDS WITH MECHA PHALLIC SQUAREENIX IOS EDITION!

CLAYTON, ANDRE, PRINNY, ILLUSIVE MAN, NICHOLAS, AND MATHIAS BEGIN THE LONG WINDING FALLS INTO MADNESS AS SQUARE ANNOUNCES EVEN MORE 30 DOLLARS APPS, WHILE NINTENDO DOES MORE DUMB THINGS IN THE CORNER....




DISCUSSION POINTS:


LIVERPOOL NO MOH! :(
ONLIVE B.S.
TWEWY IOS PORT!
SWOTOR SILLINESS!
GUILD WARS 2 IS GREAT!
THE COSMIC DUMPING GROUND!

(FOR THOSE THAT WANT TO PLAY GW2 WITH HULK, HULKS SERVER IS "SORROWS FURNACE", SEARCH FOR HULK'S NAME)

DOWNLOAD


MUSIC IS ALL FROM TWEWY, GO BUY IT, ENJOY IT, IT PROBABLY COSTS THE SAME AS THE IOS VERSION....  (IT'S ALSO HARD TO FIND)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Lesson's that can be Learned: Sword Art Online

sorry guys, we're talking narrative again


I recommend everyone go read up a little on Sword Art Online and Accel World, then come back... i'll wait


♫do da do da da do da do♪


oh good , your back.




Sword Art Online and Accel World are attempts to forsee and explain possible futures for videogames. Much in the vein of dot hack we have elements of love, rage, anger, revenge, perseverance and limit pushing mixed together with the endless mind set of being forced to grind day in and day out for two solid years due to the obsessions of an unclear curious madmen.... in short....


It's fucking awesome


I really don't get to give praise very often for videogames, but with guys like this writing books, that were later transformed into manga, anime, and apparantly videogames... its needless to say I found a new source of inspiration.


Why exactly am I loving this guys work so much? Because each adaptation I have seen so far is bringing something more and more to the vision of the world's he has created. Normally with mediums we see a source material, and then we see all other mediums just copying the source material. Dpending on the source material this system could really damn well work. Full Metal Alchemist kinda proved the point, but sword arts approach is really really REALLLY weird... what they did with the anime and manga can only be described as skipping or dancing.

Alright look, this might be alittle long but here's a run down. On the first day of joining SAO, everyone loses the ability to leave the game. Their logout command is gone, and due to the tech involved they cant just shut the device down and walk away. So the story is about 10,000 people being trapped in an mmo for over 2 years. The punch line? If you die in the game or someone tries to get you out of the game back in the real world... then you die in the real world.


The main character Kirito takes on the role of a soloist before the catastrophy starts, they never properly explain it, but he dislikes groups and prefers to do rpg's purely alone. The moment he finds out that this is a game of life or death, he immediately takes the cowardly route of running away from the noobs in order to protect himself and only himself. At this point in the story some things do get a bit hazy. Your never given much of an idea of how much grinding has occured, and all the main plot points that we see occur after krito is over lvl 70. So all  time between those two very distinct very far points were turned into side stories ( they used the term side quests). The end results is that we see a human who was just told he could die, someone fearing death yet continuosly doing very difficult things in an RPG all alone, someone that realizes sometimes you need friends in order to survive, someone that fails to protect those friends, someone that falls into extreme depression, and someone that was saved by friends he once thought weren't worth the time. Alright, this sounds like alot ( and i left alot out), but this is all stuff that we see in the books. All the while the writer has explored what is happening to the other 10,000 people. Some randomly died, others slaughtered, some went on a PK frenzy, some became thieves, and a vast majority felt safety in numbers is key. We also see people going through all 7 stages of grief, accepting their situation, and accepting that sword art is now as real as the real world. It had become their home.  The anime and manga would only show small snippets of the side arcs and cover a few points of what I just described above.

Normally this would be the part where hulk just starts smashing..... everything... but sword art is getting a free pass for being so enthralling. They did something no game company has ever done correctly. Content that can be viewed more then once, on more then one medium. Each time you read the manga or watch an episode of the anime, you'll find yourself wondering about the book. I really can't think of any examples of games to even experiment with something like this... or even use it effectively.

Every year we're trampled with Mass Effect , Gears of War, and other such knock off junk that very rarely does anything special except prove the point that the original team that made each story should also write the freaking books, while things like star wars just makes us all incredibly sad inside when we think about just how many eras, characters, powers, and worlds that have never been explored in almost 30 years of media and film production.

Every once in a while we may get a sick music album, a children's book, or a lone comic exploring one of the more silly gags from a free to play mercenary based shooter, but when it comes to fore thought in making a ground break piece of source material that could very well be taken anywhere... we just don't get to see it much guys... and its really sad...


Maybe we need some kind of contest... excel saga and sword art were originally just entrances for a competition... and one of them was too long for the competition so it was just placed online for people to drool over. Perhaps people coming together, working hard on ideas, and then letting people to decide which idea should become a game, show, or book is the actual path we should all be considering.


( If you guys want to have a competition, then I'm totally game. I'll even find a prize for ya)


Monday, August 20, 2012

Lessons that can be learned: Bastion

Narrative has always been a focus for myself and many of the minions. It's a credential to receive a perfect score in a hulk review, has been a firm backbone behind every game that has ever inspired us to become something more then we are right now, and most essentially... it helps bridge the gap and immerse the audience with whatever you are trying to say.



Modern game companies however, are really giving up on narrative in games either because they know they don't have the right talent to get things right, or for more absurd reasons like, "graphics sell the game , not story" which in the end feels more like excuses. I was once asked how can a modern game use light story narrative, while also creating a "AAA" experience without fear of producing something terrible from a narrative perspective.... in other words....how do I make a narrative work right when I don't have a phd in story telling...

The first thing I told the guy is that PHD's are not necessary for a good story.... the second thing I said is that  it takes a world, a few points in that world, maybe some unbreakable laws, and something for people to focus on in that world.

Bastion by all means is not a perfect game, but narratively it used those imperfections to enhance the sense of mystery behind that world. We're never given a full explanation of every land inside that game and we certainly never learn enough about all the character to make decisions on what we believe was right or wrong in the present situation. We're just given personal accounts and hard facts like we'd see in a good history book, and in the face of modern videogames it broke all the rules. We had a silent protagonist that wasn't silent in nature, an enigmatic narrator breathing life into this world we're visiting as if this were some kind of children's story meant to teach moral lessons, and a couple complicated cultural love stories meant to teach us all a lesson about never waiting until the last moment, or missing your moment because you fell asleep.

In alot of of ways the narrative of Bastion is also considered character design... why not say we try mixing the two together?


Actually... you know what? Deus Ex already did this.

We never learned a great deal about Adam Jensen, we saw instances of his inflamed past, other instances of where he try and died doing what he saw was right, and then a second life that we ourselves was able to manipulate and control. We decided how Adam preferred to deal with situations and it also spoke volumes to how he was deciding to be in his second life. Did you kill people randomly? Decided to only do what was just? Serve the corporate interest? It all psychologically became a line on the face of what we call Adam Jensen. It's also an excellent way to sell the sequel... your decisions and philosophical beliefs changing how Adam Jensen later becomes.....I Pray they can pull it off.....

This type of narrative is not difficult... hell you could write up the basics for any videogame with one sheet of paper. What "AAA" publishers ultimately need to work on is where we go in the next few pages afterwords. Does our main character have a past? any family? yes we just stated that he's traumatized, but are we going to talk about how? why? do we explain to the audience what this is? any ways to cure it? do we leave it undiagnosed? A few very simple questions on what you want to happen in the story, what has happened to the main character, and executing these points  is all the difference between a Call of Duty storyline and Deus Ex., and almost no one bothers doing this.

Part of this is our own fault for just continually buying games and hoping the studio will do better next time. The final blame I think lies more with publishers. Our own Lemon hatchet feels that Bioware may have envisioned a different game then what ea ultimately told them to make, and I'm slowly beginning to see what he means. Instances of the Jedi storyline sound for lack of a better word, "epic" whereas other storylines like storm trooper kept you entertained up till about 3/4ths of the way in. The game at this point begins to feel like something is missing, and this is something that seems to happen alot with games in the 3 out of 5 fists category with hulk. Somewhere it just stops feeling like the same game you were playing earlier. The game is here, the main character is here, the missions haven't changed, but the soul of the game begins to fade or rather "wane"... maybe its the Zynga Icarus effect again? Did our publishers get so close to the sun that they just burned themselves with their own mistakes?


I'm going to keep thinking on this. I think we have a little while left before the "calamity" strikes again....